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my theology


today I wanted to share with you my theology. I hadn't entirely left God with some of my last posts but have come back to Jesus and don't believe in other deities anymore. It was a bit of a sin that I left but I wanted to see whether other gods existed and experimented in order to broaden my horizon. But as I said, now I have come back and went to divine services in my lutheran church and took communion a few times and am better now.

So here is my theology, I would call it a theology of the cross. Basically, on the cross God in Christ reconciled the world and everything in it to himself and made peace between man and Him. Prior to that, in the incarnation, his son Jesus revealed himself but as such he was rarely accepted. He had to sacrifice himself first so that forgiveness would come before faith and so he could keep loving even those people who did not accept him because of ignorance. On that cross Christ forgave everyone their sins, past, present and future, and on top of that he changed the system of righteousness and nailed the handwriting of the mosaic law on the cross and put it out of the way. Now it is not these rules anymore which mediate between man and God but instead the crucified Savior who acts in love and forgiveness not because we force him but instead simply because He is such a person and has such a will.

With the mosaic law out of the way we can turn to two other systems of commandments that might help us be enlightened about ethics. One would be God's law, which means the 10 commandments, and the other is Christ's law that means the 2 love commandments of loving God and neighbor. These two laws do not speak of punishments for sinning but instead describe an ideal ethical reality. If everyone followed the 10 commandments, we would have a wonderful world. And if we also followed Jesus' love commandments it would be all perfect.

We know from the bible that Jesus was sinless, but I don't think this means complete sinlessness according to the mosaic code. It was instead sinlessness according to the same law that Jesus preached, the 10 commmandments and the two love commandments. Jesus fulfilled these two systems perfectly and interpreted them rightly, for example that doing good on the sabbath is acceptable and commendable actually. He did not see his righteousness as coming from mosaic law and instead considered this law only a mere shadow, as a cause of anger and wrath, as unable to produce the good and as something that made sin alive and causing death. As we can see, here too Jesus follows his ways of forgiveness and love.

About salvation, part of it, the salvation of eternal life after death, Jesus has already finished on the cross. But it is not a reality of those who disbelieve and these people will receive redemption in the afterlife when they go to God as all humans must because it is appointed to us to die once and then go to judgment. But Jesus is the advocate of those who sin and he stays that way in Heaven in the afterlife so the judgment of God is loving and fair, he knows we are but dust, we have a body that can experience pain and suffering, there are many bad influences on us for example the influence of satan and we are simply not perfect and not always loved enough to secure us to a life of purity without fear. And even if someone were utterly sinful God would still love this person because love is above justice. Things like war and terrorism where God must sometimes strike down evil men, don't carry over into the next life.

So that is my theology of the cross and I believe it is big enough to show the grace of God that extends to all of his creation and which expresses God's love in Jesus Christ that reconciled everything to him. As in Adam all sinned, in Jesus Christ all are made alive. The death is swallowed up by life. Mercy triumphs over judgment.

jesus is lord

I love Jesus. Without him, life is so empty. He is our solace and comfort. Jesus, the bringer of grace. Fear is abolished and has ceased for me. Because I believe in God's son. The world troubles me often, but in this Jesus I can trust like St. Paul has written. God loves us. There is no more crying for me, because I have found someone who is greater than my sorrow and pain.

update about my transgender side

As some of the oldtime readers here might know, I have some transgenderism to me. I rejected it for quite a while when I still followed conventional evangelicalism, but since I also accept Allah it came strongly to me that I also need to embrace my transgender side. Heaven is sweet so that we can fulfill such longings there easily, but Allah impressed on me how important and liberating it is to also see these things in this life. I am not fully tg and instead more of a queer type, with an asexual and autistic twist to my hobbies and behaviors, and that gave me reason to think of Jesus as someone who kind of stuck me on my male body. But this was not true, Jesus is just the kind of deity-being that loves and (sometimes accidentally) inspires earnest and thorough thinking.

This year I finally found back my youth love and we will meet and marry in not too distant a future. It is likely that I will test and try and do my tg experience too. I heard the spirit say too me jokingly and yet earnestly that I need to embrace my female side to love my male side too.

Unity in Christ

I wish all the Christians of the world could grow to live together in a 'unity in diversity'. The history of Christianity is full of schism and sectarianism, with different groups insisting on their own version of doctrinal uniformity, and declaring themselves 'out of communion' with anyone who does not accept their particular interpretation of 'the truth'.

Yet at the heart of the Gospel, God is truth, and love is truth, and grace is truth. And speaking personally, I consider myself in communion with all other Christians, whether I share all their views or not. The reason for this is that I believe our unity is only, ever, in Christ.

From everlasting to everlasting, the Holy Trinity has been in communion and relationship, God with God with God. It is the very wellspring of love. And this 'relationship' is fundamental to who God is, and who we are called and invited to be. We are called into relationship with God, in the eternal household of God, and into relationship with one another.

And to do this, we need to open our hearts to love and grace.

We need that so much. In the end, I do not believe it is doctrinal exactitude that matters so much to God, as opening our hearts to God's love and grace and life. And loving one another, even though as Christians we are diverse, we are different, we are created unique. In some senses, perhaps the real test is not 'who is right' but 'who will open their hearts to God's love and grace?'

So I believe that I am in communion with all other Christians, because I am in communion with God... with the eternal communion of the Trinity. And when we talk about unity and communion, I believe that originates in the eternal relationships of God. I think that we are in communion with one another, whether we like it or not, because we are in Christ.

That being the case, I think it is a shame if we get distracted or separated by doctrinal differences or variety. Being in union and communion in Christ, we should wish and pray for one another's flourishing and the flourishing of our diverse ministries: helping the poor, caring for the sick, being kind to our neighbours, building community, welcoming people into relationship, not cutting ourselves off from one another.


The past two years were very strange for me. I had a lot of new input to work on, coming from my interest for other religions than christianity. I embraced some Islam, some Olympian religion, some buddhism, some hinduism and more. My conjecture was, all gods are good and that the ancient scriptures are not always to be taken as truth but instead as a play, as a game where we talk with god in the form of spiritual art. Especially in Olympian religion scripture is art. It's perfect for theater. It's not the truth that Prometheus got the fire for us, but it really widens our sense if we work through such artistic plays with the divine and us.

In that sense, I have become a christian polytheist. Jesus Christ is the God that I chose to be my own God. And in Him I see the son of the Spirit of the Cosmos and of the Higher Power that is love. "Pick up the stone and you will find me, cut the wood in two and there am I." I don't see Jesus as a halfgod, instead I see him as special in the sense that he is so different from the other gods. He is a friend of mankind and unites us to the heavenly realm where of course everything is better. And as a child of the Cosmos he is not simply a god but instead a wonderperson, a wonderchild. And we can turn to Him in trouble and He in cross, resurrection and ascension to Heaven is a sign now that the gods mean well to us.

belief in something positive

In my life I have been confronted with two main different views about why we believe in Christ.

One view could be characterized as the positive one - we believe in Christ because He loves us. Salvation here means to draw this love of Christ in God into our lives so it would manifest here for our sake and, also, for the sake of our love for God that is supposed to increase.

The second view I would characterize as a negative one - we believe in Christ because if we do not do so, we get punished or at least our sins are not forgiven.

In the first scenario, we believe in God because He is good. In the second scenario, we believe in God so He would not be inclined to evil towards us.

I think the major problem an inquiring person might have about salvation and the complexities surrounding it, would be to know how he could escape being the recipient of God's evil in the face of their badness, sins, shortcomings, unbelief, and such.

The question is also, how can we have belief in Christ if we or those people we might care about like our maybe unbelieving friends and family, are threatened with things as severe as hellfire punishment if we cannot right away have perfect faith? And if we are supposed to at first GROW such a perfect faith, how is that different from being put in hell in the meantime? If God comes to fight with us, my only means of defense would be to withdraw my faith as a gut reaction of mine. If God comes to love us, this is out of the question really and every evil inclination towards God that would remain would simply be a temporary insanity.

How can we serve God if we in our ministry still cling to the negative view of salvation that I presented? When God loves mankind, how and why could we take away from it?

How strange and awesome!

How strange and awesome is the coming of our Lord!

At His birth, our lady, the blessed virgin, St. Mary, a daughter of the race of dust, suffering hardship at the hands of rulers uncircumcised in the flesh and heart, this daughter of Zion, in an unspeakable, fearsome and mysterious manner gives birth to our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ. Though a lowly virgin and handmaid of the Lord, she becomes the Mother of the Unoriginate Word that proceeds from the mouth of the Most High.

How strange and awesome is the ministry of our Lord!

At His last supper, our holy and pure fathers, the apostles, suffering insult by the profanation of their temple by corrupt men, in an unspeakable, fearsome and mysterious manner become priests ministering with the eternal High Priest in the awful Sacrifice. And receiving the bread and the wine from their Master, they became annointed vessels of gold, bearing the Body and Blood of the Lamb and their bodies were transformed into living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God.

How strange and awesome is the indwelling of our Lord!

At the pouring forth of His Spirit, our holy and pure fathers and mothers, the first-born of the new Covenant, sons and daughters of the Twelve Tribes that trembled before the Lord of Sinai, in an unspeakable, fearsome and mysterious manner received the indwelling of the Consoler, the Holy Spirit. Behold, they are made to stand and sing praises before the Lord of Zion. Though they were suffering from the division of many tongues because of the curse of Babel, they were made one mind and one heart by the one Spirit by means of many flaming tongues. Though they were surrounded by the darkness and lawlessness of the nations, they have received hearts of flesh inscribed with the Torah that brings light and the law of Christ to all. The Holy Spirit which, in the beginning, brooded over the face of the abyss and wrought the universe, fluttered upon the apostles and they themselves became first fruits of the new creation.

How strange and awesome is the calling of our Lord!

I, a great sinner, son of the race of dust, born to a nation of gentiles, in an unspeakable, fearsome and mysterious manner, received the baptism of Christ and the anointing of the Spirit. I was ransomed from the wages of death, received the consolation of forgiveness, was grafted unto the olive tree, and I was born anew from on high, a son of Israel, Isaac, Abraham.

Though I was born according to the flesh of Adam into the darkness of sin and death, the old man was judged and put to death and I was raised up in Christ and received the light of immortality, incorporated into the mystical body of the new Adam.

Though my fathers, the children of Tubal and Tiras, Japheth and Shem, Noah, Seth and Adam, suffered in exile, far from Eden, I was brought from the ends of the earth and made to walk past the cherubim with flaming sword and to drink of the river of the waters of life, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb, gushing forth from the right side of the Temple of His Body. Beside this river was the Tree of Life and I was made to eat of its Fruit and was healed of all sickness.

Though I bore the mark of Cain on my forehead and was trapped in the cycle of death and though I was ignorant of God's name and forbidden to utter it, He wrote His unspeakable Name upon my forehead, made me a Tabernacle of the Presence and annulled the curse of Cain, annulling death from death and making of my death a new birth into life.

Though I was outside the banquet hall, I was welcomed into the wedding feast of the Lamb and bade to eat at the holy Table. I was black and beautiful and He, greatly desiring my beauty, crowned me with a wreath like a bridegroom and adorned me in jewels like a bride and the royal handmaidens escorted me to the bridal chamber of the King.

Though I was defiled and stripped naked by the worship of idols, I was washed in the bronze sea, annointed with olive oil, pure myrrh, sweet cinnamon, cassia and many spices and fragrances. I was clothed in the garments of salvation, wrapped in the robe of delight and was made to put on Christ Himself. I was made to stand in the holy courts of His Temple like the sons of Levi and the sons of Aaron, offering the incense of prayer and the Thanksgiving sacrifice of praise.

Though I stood in the court of the Gentiles, I was brought into the Holy House, made to go beyond the veil and fall before the cherubic throne, beholding the Lamb sitting thereupon and singing in the company of the angels and the holy ones, their voices thundering about, "The kingdom of the world has become the kingdom of our Lord and of His Messiah, and He will reign forever and ever. Salvation belongs to our God, who sits on the throne and to the Lamb."

Mar. 13th, 2016

I like the many Christs and Jesus people
that also visit America
sometimes, when they listen
to the fathers in greece and russia
this was not hard to guess
many became prophetic, many became unwise
like the book you worship
like the bad soul you revere
1 truth out of a hundred?
that is your smelly gun!


you can do differently
in the world of god
where god is a name
every god likes
our sweet harmony
sees the gay needs
and the happy needs
and the children needs
for the glasses of sexuality
that we deserve to be able
to really understand!
I think I am no more a christian. For me this is about people on this world who were also like Jesus. Some of them knew more than Jesus, some did not. The biblical Jesus was not the only good guy and demigod. The bible has certainly been forged. This is not Jesus' fault but we need to learn to embrace other gods as well as the jewish gods. It is time for change, for much change. Please dig into mythologies, people. These books are better than the boring or scary bible that we know. Read also comics. Read lexicons. It's better than this freaky story of the guy and his cross. It was good and important, but please don't care for this one Jesus demigod anymore. There were others like him in Judea who knew wisdom in a more wholesome sense in that old time.


I cannot always love the Christ and be so clean
I cannot always shine the Allah into me
I do not want to eat bubble gum every day
and Zoos have always better benches and a greater park
go away, little boy of anger and love and honesty
I do not want to catch your butterfly and your elephant

you do not understand, your head is lost in the wrong manger
and you had the wrong implant in the earlobe
thats why your mornings are not beautiful

go to theologia crucis
and then the doors open up again
in difficult america where the good God reigns with difficulties...


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